Time and time again I ask myself why I continue to persevere with blogging when in fact I'm actually quite reserved when it comes to sharing my innermost thoughts and feelings. I have a journal I use to regurgitate all that kind of crap and I keep that journal as far from straying eyes as I can - and frankly that's the best thing for everyone concerned. I guess what differentiates me from a lot of other people (and indeed from myself just a few years ago) is that I don't take the mindcrap that spills out of my head and into my journal very seriously. It doesn't warrant that kind of seriousness, though most people fail to realise that. One of the greatest achievements of my life has been the ability to stop taking my thoughts so goddamn seriously. They are just thoughts, just movements of the mind, like clouds passing across the sky....we tend to take them so seriously and invest so much attention and emotion in them, letting those thoughts dictate our interactions, our beliefs, our whole lives...when in fact they are intangible, transient and ultimately wholly insubstantial and illusory. They change. They lack solidity. To base our interpretation and interaction with the world through the screen of thoughts, movements of the mind is actually a core human dysfunction. As the Talmund stated 'we do not see the world as it is; we see it as we are.' It's not until we get out of our mind a little bit that we truly become alive and start to fully engage with life as it is outside of our narrow screen of conceptualisations.
My point? Well, I'm not going to use this blog to post mindcrap, to further pollute this world with inane negativity. By God there's enough of that out there. Nope, there won't be any melodramas or neuroses or salaciousness going down here...I'll keep that for my personal journal! My real purpose in blogging, I believe, is to share the insights, to share the truths that I experience. Sometimes the posts may be quirky or silly...but mostly I will try to share my experience of truth, of getting to the CORE of life, of learning to move beyond suffering, of growing, learning, healing, of learning to more fully express our true spiritual natures, our core essence of beingness...I don't really care if what I have to say confuses or perplexes some people (or everyone!). Life is too damn short for superficiality. If you want superficiality then you're in luck, because the internet is chock full of it. Just not here (I hope!)
Did any of that make sense? My brain is turning a bit mushy. It could be the glass of wine I've been sipping as I write!!
Anyway - I guess this is just a prelude to what's to come as I gear up to take this blog a bit more seriously and write with more regularity. I guess the main reason I'm continuing to write it is that at heart I'm a writer - I love writing and I haven't been doing nearly enough of it. In spite of my shyness (and fear?) at expressing my innermost thoughts for all to see, I have to develop that courage because it's part and parcel of being a writer. It hurts far more when I don't write than when I do, like a little part of me withers and dies when I go too long without stringing some words together for the world to read. At the moment I'm not doing it for the world even, I'm doing it because I feel I have to...I feel most alive when I write. It's who I am.